now we’re gettin’ clear and fearless, aqueous and global, believing in sound and simultaneity / spontaneity; maybe men hate to see it from another man; I’ve stolen the girls’ thunder and don’t fall prey to the lack of self-belief that sinks them, generally speaking
“...the men are undone by the need to master, and the women by the power of self-doubt.”
― Vivian Gornick, The Men in My Life
yell, scream, fight — this is life, creative work life at least, the life we’ve been living and SOMEHOW wake up into again; somehow the day hasn’t ended; ongoingness is the end of all personal branding: we all become middle-aged managers doing things right, in a world where others (ordinary people) keep showing up at their job and can be bossed around easily according to their fear of lack of money; thank God for money in a sense, even though this breaks my heart:
“By the time we join financial forces with a partner, we’ve written an entire encyclopedic collection of stories about money and what it represents, often without realizing it. Why is it all so heavy? Because we equate money with love. We withhold money as punishment. We enforce compliance through money. We live with the belief that we could always be making more and that having more is better.”
https://www.estherperel.com/blog/understanding-financial-tension-in-relationships
understanding tension ~ a physics problem, a poetry problem; the problem for the only child and the poet is, the world is not arranged how it should be, how it was; “Nostos” (a poem by the late Louise Glück) (autocorrected to Nests), a longing to return…or a longing to stay; consciousness seems new today: the faces are still, focused; they’ve forgotten how I longed for them yesterday, or they never heard the story ~ oh the thinness of the veil between inner and outer voice! This terrible yearning to confess torments and bullwhips me night and day! Perhaps only in Scorpio season, nearing the Week of Intensity; the question after these flares are: what to do with our agency, our potential? Do I ever do anything or do I just clear the ground, inspire? like the spiritual girls who “hold space”
morning walk 'n thought